from the mixed up files of E.W.Crider:
Alex: I love Jenny Humphrey, I hope everything works out for her and she becomes a famous fashion designer
Erin: I love Jenny Humphrey, I hope her life spirals out of control, she somehow still becomes a famous fashion designer so she can do a lot of coke and then her life spirals out of control some more.
There are key differences as to why Alex and I watch teen drama. She wants the characters she likes to succeed and the ones she dislikes to fail. I want the characters lives to spiral out of control and the ones I love to hate to succeed in causing more mayhem. Just think of Marissa hurling the deck chair into the pool in a drunken rage.
Anyway, since Alex is a busy busy ibanker and can’t spare 45 minutes to watch a downloaded copy of GG, I decided to bear the cross on this one.
Where we last left off Jenny was wondering the city streets, sewing machine and rollie suitcase in hand, which I assume was mostly filled with back eyeliner. Agnes, who apparently lives with her mother, let’s her move in. They are after all going into business together after the guerilla fashion show at bart and lily’s party. So agnes, being a famous model, sets up several meetings with business managers to start the incorporation process for their business. But it appears things are not going to be smooth sailing when they get into a little tiff at the business meeting (seth, summer and zach pitching the graphic novel anyone?!). It seems they can’t decide on what the label will be called. You would think they would just use the one from the fashion show (name recognition, hello!), but I guess they are FIFTEEN. We learn that was their last chance and agnes need to find more managers and set up some more meetings. Ok, sounds easy enough, unless agnes goes out and gets completely wasted!!! Yesssss. It’s 3 pm and she’s still super hungover, sweet. She has not found a new business manager. She goes in the bathroom to puke (she eats, who knew?) and jenny steals the contact info for the manager they saw yesterday to meet him flying solo. Sneaky Jenny, but why does Agnes keep the contact info all to herself in the first place. Maybe b/c she knows she needs to hitch her wagon to gravy train that jenny will soon be b/c models are a dime a dozen. Buuuut every time anyone mentions J and her dresses, it’s follow by “so hot right now”. I think the business manager realizes this too, and is eager to work with Jenny alone. Some administrative assistant who is probably too busy blogging about rainbows and unicorns calls agnes instead of jenny and spills the beans. Agnes is outraged and when Jenny comes home she lights all her dresses on fire. Jenny doesn’t really try to stop her though…is this her penance for feeling like she screwed over agnes? Come on J, if you’re gonna go, go big, no more pangs of regret for those you stepped on getting to the top. Or at least use drugs and alcohol as your escape.
Ok, back to the other characters. B is turning 18. so now she can buy cigs, porn and gamble legally. Because being 17 was really stopping her from participating in a slew of activities that are supposed relegated to adults, i.e. drinking. So I guess the big deal is she can now legally vote for bass/waldorf ’10. and she’s now an adult with the charms of Grace Kelly. Right. Anyways, Serena is distracted at the meeting for the party by texts from Aaron, he sends her maps to cool places around the city, they went to some special room at the cloisters, etc. his latest map leads them to times square where he has the jumbotron show them together, live. How romantic. Aaron is creepy and shady. There I said it. Later he invites her to his studio to take pictures of her on his sole piece of furniture, a leather chair that belongs in bart bass’ smoking room. Anyways, he uses these pictures to create this piece that has pics and video clips of s on these big canvases. Buut as they’re viewing this touching creation, Aaron next model arrives. How awkward for s who quickly hurries off.
Now back to Blair. She’s being her normal bratty self when it comes to her party, I think she’s decided on blood orange martinis, which intrigued me, but probably b/c I like blood orange soda. She also is pumped to meet Eleanor’s new bf, who she assumes has the looks and money of prince charming. She lectures the maid about using the everyday china. I mean come on, even I have everyday china (although they are my only dishes). So in walks Cyrus, and he is absolutely not what Blair was expected. Instead of a handsome 6 ft tall man on a white steed, in trots the Sicilian on a donkey. He likes hugs, has a catchphrase, B is crushed. Things that make her mother happy be damned. Additionally, we learn that Eleanor will be attending a Cyndi Lauper concert, not the big bash. Blair throws a little hiss fit. The Grace Kelly mantra goes out the window and she takes him to lunch to dig up the dirt. Eleanor calls her out on this, but is crushed to learn of cyrus’ past infidelities. Ok, on to the party. Blair is wearing some pirate shirt that got the back cut off. Eleanor confronts cyrus, he leaves. Meanwhile Cyndi Lauper shows up, melting B’s cold heart. She is so excited that she introduces the maid, who is equally excited. Cyndi tells her the Cyrus bought out her show so she’d come to the bday party, B is so touched she leaves her idol to run after him. The have a little chat where Cyrus informs us that nobody out-wits a Sicilian lawyer. Beaten at your own game B, that must sting.
Serena leaves the party to go check on Aaron, who is have a candlelit dinner with the model from earlier. He lectures the high schooler on how he likes to date multiple people at a time. Sure b/c putting her face on the jumbotron didn’t give her the wrong idea about anything, it was all her naïve high school notions of romance. Ugh, Aaron. Then she leaves all upset b/c they “broke up” He shows up the next day to take her to the park, and they have this little chat about how can they couldn’t have broken up if they were never dating in the first place. Stop trying to be Donnie Iris, Aaron, it’s not gonna work. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit thinking about him.
Quick thoughts on Rufus, he’s acting like he’s totally cool with Jenny living with Angus, at least he won’t let her win by signing the consent form, although it does send her to the street. Couldn’t he tell how desperate she was!? He had all the cards and he folded. and he’s also letting Dan go down a slippery slope into sleazy tabloid journalism. He sounds a lot like the fake GG on the new 90210 who has a blog where she just writes about her friends secrets that they’ve entrusted her with.
No gay face in this episode, and only a little bit of chuck. I love chuck, but dan annoys the hell out of me. So I saved this part for last. I like bart bass b/c he is an evil old man, but dislike him for how he treats chuck, I am torn, b/c although he hurts chuck, he doesn’t make him spiral out of control, so what’s the point? Anyways, Dan writes the story about Charlie Trout, and shows it to Noah, who this agrees to write the rec letter to Yale. OK, first of all, what happened to Dartmouth? Second of all Dan was published in the New Yorker! Doesn’t that count for anything. Anyways, Dan’s lonely boy high school writing skillz so impress Noah that he calls up a buddy at New York magazine and now all of a sudden Dan is writing an expose on Bass Industries?!! I think that’s a bit of a stretch. So Dan arranges to meet with bart and in a self/father deprecating way, wins bart over, they even plan to go to the rangers game to talk business. Poor chuck wanted to go to the Rangers game with his dad!! Sigh. Chuck smells a skunk on Dan, and sleazy as he is, always strives to protect/please his dad. Chuck has an informant tell dan about what started it all back in ’87 to make Bass industries what it is. The fire, the insurance money, etc etc. how the hell did chuck even know about this when it was 4 years before he was born? Blah blah, dan thinks he’s now in all the president’s men and has discovered Watergate. He confronts bart and chuck swoops down to blow the lid off of dan’s plans. Dan get a conscious back and gives Bart the story about Charlie Trout. Immediately bart sees the error in his ways and apologizes to his son. 18 years of neglect forgotten; hugs all around! Seems like everything is wrapped up in a neat little package.
And back to little J for a hot minute. Can’t stay at Agnes’, can’t stay at Rufus’, she’s on the street, sewing machine in tow, crying on top of a stack of skids in some back alley. Then all of a sudden she’s on an unknown futon, setting up meetings with her business manager to discuss emancipating herself from her parents. Who’s couch was that? The futon is too ikea for it to be nate. Vanessa maybe?
Also gossip girl made a comment about a bass that was so not clever. It made me cringe, and I can’t even remember exactly what it was.
And why was chuck at home brooding and not at Blair’s party. I guess alex and I went over this story arc the other week. Still disappointing though. Also I like how Chuck just knew some girl at new york mag. Shady, not aaron shady, the good kind of shady.
Honestly, Erin, im not sure I can top that.