in five clauses or less: jenny gets her work all over page six; serena is continually let down by artschoolgrad; things heat up between jenny and gayface; and blair gets stuck babysitting the (virginal) spawn of satan.
where to begin??
oh, and before i forget: will someone please start a facebook group entitled “Jenny Humphrey, Ashley Simpson called and she wants her 2004 face back” before i have to? No on Eyeshadow ’08.
– serena and blair doing tea with a big yale donor? very kind of s, and sort of adorable how she tells b to stop cracking her knuckles. reminds me of an old ex.
– “oh my god stop your mouth from moving” – how does leighton get such good lines? is she doing josh?/
– holllly lord, that middle schooler has a mouth on her. i smell trouble. very underage trouble.
– dan reams into jenny for quitting eleanor’s. thank god. please please please dont let this be a failure. my biggest fear when i watch movies / tv is always that my favorite characters are going to lose their jobs and end up with no means of supporting themselves. and i thought jenny was safe, being a high schooler with an internship and all. but then josh schwarz goes and eff’s with my sugarplum dreams and overly romantic notions.
– serena is waxing poetic about the (taken) skeezy greasy haired boy, and of course blair is all, have you heard about my issues???? (she reminds me of all the best parts of Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s Christine)
– “youre like the devil” / ” looks like you’ve just hooked yourself a Bass” – this show is my crack.
– And “let’s not ruin it with talk?” brilliant. ive said some similar things in my day. heh.
– he resists?? thank god!
– financial backers? whoaaa. im impressed. is kkr there?
– “my god, youre shaking” – nate is totally cheesy.
– makeout! aaand point 2 seconds before gossip girl gets that picture. the kiss was cute, but man jenny stop with the eyeliner
– b & s are hilarious. actually, it’s mostly just blair.
– i love chuck’s self-satisfied smirking. really, ill never tire of it.
– oh no! rufus playing dad again! jenny’s off playing dressup, just as the yalumnis’ daughter is running away to play hide the salami… parallel much?
– vanessa, you’re boring me. make out with dan and go have the only hipster kids i wont wish were mine.
– dan is such a freaking putz. nate’s “morals are questionable at best”. ugh. lonelyboy is such a douche. seriously. can he GET more self-serving?
– bart bass does the hysterical facial expressions almost as well as his son
– “sure we’ll save little red riding hod from the big bad wolf, but after that it’s bulldog bulldog rah rah rah!” ohhhh fantastic. but not as fantastic as when you called princeton a trade school.
– hmm that dan does make a good point about male prostitution.
– WHAT? he’s kicking gayface out?? so blowing this out of proportion. is this cause gayface wouldnt cup your balls when he taught you that bouncing on the knees trick? (with a soccer ball, people!!!)
– “piece of advice? lose the tulip.” – okay not going to lie, i dont get it. hold on, i need to google this.
– jesus this aaron dude has chicks all over the freaking place. serena gets burned again.
– so THAT’s what a guerilla fashion show is! not going to lie, i could barely watch that scene. it was traumatizing. i was on the edge of my seat, fearing for little jenny humphrey with my life… until i saw lily smiling. whew. thank god. buuut, didnt heroin chic go out with kate moss’s first defaming? i hope the boys at [insert big PE shop here so i dont have to name any names on my work computer] dont know that.
– aww the chuck / blair limo moment! so smarmy. and yet, chuck had me at his first sneer. ahh smitten!
– “but youre perfect?” / “true” – i actually laughed out loud at that one. blair, make chuck buy you california, decree no on prop 8, and then marry me (ill be low maintenance, i swear).
– ..and then taking the high road with old cougarface? good tv moment. (yes, val, my eyes may have… moistened)
– rufus? are you freaking kidding me? you want to arrest jenny? SO counterproductive.
– oh!! a homobro moment! chuck and nate! aughghg. more!!
– wait, nevermind. serena and blair in a bed together?? i accept!
– hrmmm aaron shows up at the van der woodsens? and greasy haired boy sits like a ninny in his little red scarf? AND he’s super direct! AND he’s totally the boy Alice saw making out with Serena during GG shoots in Central Park!! this is going to get interesting!
– b & s checking out the yale course catalog?? soooo cheesy!! but ill buy it! makeout!
– nate wears tight sweaters! hmm no letter for vanessa, too??
– and we end YET again with jenny all by her lonesome, by herself against the big bad world. crap, doesnt this girl ever learn? stop with the psycho-smoky eye liner! dont you know that look only works on mary-kate?
next week: i cant remember. BUT for some reason it’s been moved to SATURDAY night??? WTF. oh right; the majority of their core audience IS underage, i suppose.