didnt see that one coming

suffice it to say ive been looking forward to tonight’s episode. now that blair’s on the bottom again, looks like it might be time for queen s to rise again. id almost forgotten about the b/n storyline. ew. please, no. (sidenote: did anyone else find the Ishiguro’s Remains of the Day title reference interesting? is Dorota our loyal Stevens to Blair’s Farraday?)

hey pretty, why the long face?

it’s going to be a long ride; dont say i didnt warn you:

opening with S checking in on B, who’s busy sneaking around…. but why?? love B shuffling around in too-high-heels. and trying to cover with a dorota story? classic.

ahh back at the humps, dan is once again super full of himself. the dude’s a senior and thinks he’s the next hemingway. yawn. self importance self importance impacting young minds self indulgence yawn. fan mail, really? gross!

jenny is amost 16? oh god. you know what? im really happy about this whole her preserving her innocence thing. finally, a young character who isnt giving away the henhouse. at least not to chuck bass on a rooftop overlooking the park.  — as my father once said in reference to SATC,
“maybe if these girls waited to have sex until the 3rd date, they wouldnt be so single“. agreed, daddio. granted, littleJ hasnt had a viable boytoy yet, but still. i appreciate josh schwartz’s commitment to her integrity.  at this point, one could argue the closest J’s been to losing her innocence was the stint at waldorf designs.

poppy lipton is back! and a brunette. cute. and she’s mucho obnoxious. how old is this chick supposed to be, 25? and how can she not know who blair is? isnt her mother the freaking von furstenburg of the UES?

it’s pretty apparent here that serena is finally being recognized for what she really is: a high school student. im pretty sure it was never cool for anyone with a diploma to socialize with the under-undergrads, regardless of how easily they put out. poppy’s only just realizing this? must be serena’s bubble.

have fun with your little party? ouuuch. could poppy be more condescending? or wearing a more unattractive…. vest??

brunch at the palace with lily. Oh and eric’s back! and there’s chuck (looking much more adorable with new hair! and plaid!) it’s the freaking brady bunch. where’s alice?

theyre throwing jenny a party!! and… she’s thrilled. dont these things usually go better when you get to plan them yourself? hmm, this is awkward.

WHAT?? dan’s financial aid has been denied?? NO. wait a second… what if – and tell me if im being too crazy here – what if - rufus married lily?!? and she helped pay for college?? how awesomely awkward would that make future sex b/w dan and serena? YES.

eric the wise. love it.

WHATTTT.  NO!  V catches sight of nate and b… and up pulls chuck. he wants to scheme!! this episode just got SO good.
(but i am left wondering why blair seems to have left Nate’s, only to bring him back breakfast and leave again… im assuming they snuck in a little quickie before their second mimosa, but shouldnt nate have done the shopping? hmmm)

god, this has been a heckuva long morning. and blair claims she and nate are platonic… i actually sort of believe her (see above).

Oh no! a rusty hammer and an icy nail! chuck, dont push her! you’re asking for trouble! why do ppl on this show have absolutely no trust in each other and constantly overreact? oh wait, stupid question.

B on N – better than sparks. fireworks!
C – that was us
somewhere, a newborn puppy just sighed. =)

wow. that was intense. blair did fight for you, chuck! you were just too stoned!

so much fake snow. ick, stop. and wow, lily looked SUPER pregnant in that kitchen shot… and making family plans… i actually kind of like it =) but where the heck is her money coming from again? Bass industries?

did blair really just compare V to Jen Aniston? im pretty sure in this situation, she’s the Jen, and V is Angelina. hello, she and nate dated forever. And vanessa is the rebel! As much as I love blair, that was just completely misguided. sorry joshie.

re: meeting V for dinner to break up -  but cant you just text? brilliant. i love the 21st century (and SO tongue in cheek meta jokes! SO brilliant!!).

oh no, blair, stop with the brangelina. (but wait, can someone seriously find me the link to that article. such intense lovemaking the guards thought they were being attacked?? seriously. find it, val.)

shopping with poppy! and still in that vest. ew. and poppy is such a bitch. but does anyone else want to try to say “making up and breaking up with the same boy, and feuding with your frenemy” five times fast? rhyme and alliteration! yippee!!

hmm, how could a sweet 16 be a good place for Serena to act like a grown up? this isnt going to end well. i hate when little J gets hurt – why is serena so damn weak?

why is dinner with nate so awkward?? what happened to the sweet boyfriend of two weeks ago??  where did he go??! ugh, i hate character inconsistencies. new nate is a douche. a lying douche.

and dorota comes through again. damn, she knows how to deliver a line.

the forehead kiss!!! YES!! um, blair are you really shocked that nate wasnt into it?? have you seen the fuzzy knit youre wearing? you look like 1st season Willow, before she got confident and started screwing a werewolf.

“pour that Dom down the drain, Dorota… wait! is that the ‘96?”
i live for these moments.

chuck in house slippers. love it.

birthday chili at the humphreys. lets just hope little J doesnt down too much before donning her dress. eek.

ugh dan is going to cause trouble, isnt he? finally he and S have so much in common.

have you dumped me for vanessa? funny, yes. but aw.

wait! dorota and the doorman?? LOVE IT.

we’re humphreys. // damn straight.
looks like tonight’s going to be a complete disaster.

i liked my social grave! i dug it, i was happy to lie in it!
Lets just hope Dan has the sense to give S some grief!  this was so uncool…. and is totally gonna fuck with the whole soon to be siblings thing.

i came to you because i wanted to do something besides feel sorry for myself, but all it’s been is sleazy platitudes and you staring at my boobs.
chuck and vanessa? i love it. and i like the chemistry.
consistent, if twisted. (well put, V)
this will obviously end poorly for the storyline, but fantastically for me and my overactive imagination!

the party is getting out of hand! it’s SO uncivilized. serves you right, S.

did anyone else catch jenny’s smile when Eric told Serena strangers were screwing in her bed? brilliant.

dan tooting his own horn. blah blah haunting blah blah big head blah blah. can he really take himself this seriously?

Aw wait!! Nate was totally not into Blair. how could vanessa not see that??
and um, Nate not doing blair? looking totally disinterested while she straddles him? lucky chace crawford doesnt even need to act here!

only my boyfriend gets to touch my hair. (and dorota!!!)

nobody gets what they want without losing something they love. like their integrity.
oh GG, so true, so true.

serena admits to being selfish?? annnd the world keeps turning.

ooh!! it’s like the brady brunch on crack! annnd lily and rufus are totally going to fight about priorities!  oh no!! augh and living together is suddenly exposed! no! sibling fights! passing around the blame! what are we watching, the park avenue 7th heaven? is littleJ the new Lucy?

btw, props to taylor momsen for her fantastic delivery this episode. finally littleJ gets a complete line. lots of them. and theyre good ones, too! v might have lost her integrity, but J’s is still intact.

Poppy needs to stop going on about her bf and spain. seriously, S is in high school. hello, homeroom? Serena is a moron. this storyline is going to be super lame, isnt it?

rufus and lily are practicing parenting! aw this is cute. (and again, kelly is doing a fantastic job hiding that belly!)

dorota and blair wandering through central park. aw.
the ducks do soothe me. give me my loaf. i just guffawed. seriously.

wait, what?? nate and blair?? i thought he said it wasnt like that!!! aw, man!

wait, what?? fan mail boy is Dan’s brother??? WAIT, WHAT??

WAIT, WHAT????? WHATTTT??? chuck and vanessa?? OH MY GOD. YES. YES. YES.

in conclusion: Serena is selfish. Chuck screws Vanessa. My head explodes.

next week: a spanish wedding? boring. passover seder at the waldorfs? pass the charoset! and chuck and blair in bed? suddenly not as interesting anymore. oh who am i kidding, why cant chuck just have both Blair and Vanessa?!? we all know Eric and Nate belong together, anyway.